Putting the Lord First…

When God gave us His Ten Commandments, He began with these words, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). He knew that if we would make our relationship with Him our top priority, He would bless our lives, and, through our other relationships, we would be a blessing to others. The primary problem with codependency is that it violates the heart of God’s first commandment. In a codependent relationship, you allow someone else to take the place that God alone should have in your heart. . . . You allow another person to be your “god.” If you have a misplaced dependency, you will have neither peace with God nor the peace of God. But if you put the Lord first, living each day dependent on Him, you will have God’s peace, even when others are not peaceful toward you. This is one reason God says to us,

“You shall have no other gods before me.” -Exodus 20:3

Q: “How can I know whether I’m an enabler?”

You are an enabler if you perpetuate another’s destructive behavior by protecting that person from painful consequences that could actually serve as a motivation for change.

  • The enabling parent allows the teenager’s drug habit to continue with no repercussions.
  • The enabling wife calls her husband’s boss to say that he has the flu when in fact he has a hangover.

Ask yourself, “How many lies have I told to protect the reputation of the one with the destructive habit?”

“Whoever says to the wicked, ‘You are in the right,’ will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations.” -Proverbs 24:24

Q: “Why do I keep getting into codependent relationships? I’m now wondering whether it is possible for me ever to break free and stay free.”

When two people are in a codependent relationship, each has a history of feeling both abandoned and controlled. First, recognize how afraid you are of being abandoned, and then realize how you resent being controlled. Your relationship is intense and unstable, full of conflict and chaos, with repeated cycles of “come close” and “go away.” You are caught in the destructive ups and downs of codependency and feel that you cannot get off the unrelenting roller coaster. But this is not true, because . . .

“With God all things are possible.” -Matthew 19:26

Key Verse to Memorize

“Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10

Key Passage to Read and Reread

Galatians 6:1–5

Click here for the PDF version of the complete Codependency Resource Guide provided by Hope for the Heart.